These actors are killing me and I’m dying sweetly.
And, So Far, One Podcast.
Never Expect, Only Hope.
BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING! BABY HUSKY HOWLING!
MY HEART IS MELTING.
I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES
that is the most adorable shit I have ever seen
who is that girl I see?
back at me
there has gotta be a way to make loading screens stark white so that this doesnt happen
i dont need that moment of self reflection
These are adorable
YO IF SOMEONE GOT U A FUCKING PUPPY YOU BETTER GO THE FUCK TO PROM WITH THEM
omg these are all so cuteeeeee
This is extremely true and important.
when you feel your clothes fresh out of the oven
OKAY SO I REALIZED I USED OVEN INSTEAD OF DISHWASHER BUT I KINDA FORGOT WHAT IT WAS CALLED AND USED THE NEXT BEST GUESS I COULD THINK OF
It’s called a washing machine
i think its a dryer like who would be feeling wet ass clothes
this post is the biggest fucking train wreck
some guy on facebook tried to tell me that kat dennings’ boobs aren’t good because she’s overweight. like if that isn’t the most perfect rack/bod you’ve ever seen then get the fuck out of my face.
I never understood jerkoff dudes who think big boobs “don’t count” if the person attached to them is overweight. Like…what do you think big boobs on skinny people are made of? Air? Cotton candy? The souls of the innocent??
she’s not even overweight what the hell
she’s a perfectly healthy size jesus and she looks fucking gorgeous in that dress wow
Look how beautiful she is *cries*
Did you know that Crush is portrayed “high” because Sea Turtles actually eat jellyfish and the poisons inside the jelly doesn’t actually harm the turtle but instead intoxicates them much like marijuana does for humans.
i just thought it was because he was supposed to be a “surfer dude”
If you could go anywhere in the world right now would it be to a “where” or to a “who”?
I was not prepared for this question
I JUST CHOKED ON MY OWN SALIVA
it makes it even funnier when you see that’s the Ultimate Spiderman’s Coulson
So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.
OMG ITS BACK
This shit needs to be published.
This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
Americans and Mexicans playing volleyball over the border in Arizona
This is fucking awesome.